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I talk in my head a lot. These conversations are usually more interesting than the ones outside my head. Not always. "I just really hate those kind of people." "You mean people who share your interests?" "Yeah, those." |
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What's the point at which you give up? When is it okay to say, "This isn't the life I hoped for, but I guess it doesn't matter since I'll never get there, so I'll settle for this"? I'm not an optimistic person, so I doubt my expectations were unreasonable. I thought them quite low, in fact. All I wanted was to prove to myself that I can handle this life. That I could find a place either in the world or in myself where I fit, where I don't need to struggle to just exist and communicate. That, if I needed to, I could lead a perfectly normal life. A normal life wouldn't make me happy, but the inability to have one if I so chose is what I can't stand. Admitting that you're such a failure by the standards of the world you live in, admittedly standards you realize are bullshit, and not by your own choice. It's enough to drive someone mad, or perhaps simply to wonder if they weren't already there, hence the problem. Life, being the tirelessly cruel mistress she is, has long been trying to force me to admit defeat. Maybe it's time I laid down my arms. |
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You might call me Phaeton / Yes, I would see the world burn / But that's just because the world burned me / And now it's their turn. / So, if going up in flames is the only way they'll learn / Then please don't cry, my dear / They're only reaping what they've earned.
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Actual conversation between two of my friends. I was planning on making a comic out of this, but I'm slowly beginning to realise that I am not, in fact, Kate Beaton. (Alas.)
Ryan: "What does Bright Eyes sound like? I keep trying to find music by Bright Channel, but the only thing I ever come up with is Bright Eyes."
Sarah: "They're good, but they wouldn't be your thing: they're Indie and whiney, but I'm in love with the singer, Conner Oberst."
Ryan: "Oh, is he another one of your musician crushes?"
Sarah: "Yeah, it would be nice to sleep with the guy, but we'd probably never get around to it. I'd just be holding him as he weeps on my chest and cries about how much life sucks."
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This is a combination webcomic, journal and memoir. It's about music, love, art, the counterculture, the internet, life, the universe and everything. Welcome.
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